Chapter 20: Anxiety

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"Should we get this done then?" Vincent stood and downed the glass of scotch in a single slug, coughed once, and set the glass on the coffee table. 
 
"That was impressive," I said, and downed the rest of my wine. "Now then. Let's do this."

I pushed myself to my feet, and then wobbled. Amy stepped in to support me. And a moment later Vincent joined on the other side of me. I noticed the assembled family members staring at me. I repressed a flinch. Amy served as my personal maid. Her helping me walk was perfectly normal. Nothing about this would look suspicious or make my family think we were intimate. At least I hoped not. I tried to think how one leaned on another for support platonically. 

My uncle smirked, "Were you planning on stealing all your cousin's suitors, or just the ones you didn't slap?"

Aunt Cecile chuckled, "You need to look up what a lesbian is, kiddo. Because you're doing it wrong."

I sighed, and rolled my eyes. "Yes yes. If Lynn still wants him when I'm done with him, she can take him. I'll take him for a ride around the paddock first though."

Cecile burst out laughing, "That's the spirit kiddo!"

"Being serious," I said, and paused for a moment to think of an excuse. "We're going to carry on our conversation in the smoking room. That way I can smoke more of my herb cigarettes."

"Very convenient. You're going to a room where you can have privacy?" my uncle said, "And you expect us to believe that, Karen?"

"No. You're right uncle. I'm going to the smoking room with him, so that he can bend my invalid broken body over a loveseat. Sounds uncomfortable. But if you all recommend it, I'll try it. What do you think Vincent? Ever want to bang a cripple?"

Vincent snorted, "Oh, all the time."

"What are you two talking about anyway, kiddo?" Cecile asked. 

"Vincent is an old friend of Fiona’s," I answered, "I am picking Vincent’s brain for ideas about how to court her."

Cecile grinned, "Go kid. We're teasing.

"Thank you, Auntie."

We exited the parlor and Quincy scampered behind us. Once the door had closed, I said, "I do want to pick our brain about that, you know."

"How do we know the Smoking Room is empty?" Amy asked.

"Because Cecile is in the other room," I said.

Amy nodded, "And only the two of you use it."

We reached the smoking room, and they helped me to an overstuffed wingback chair. 

"I’m sorry, I know it was an excuse, but I'm going to get your cigarettes anyway. You're worse than normal this time, and they might help."

I waited as Amy collected the necessary bits. Quincy followed two steps behind as she did. She returned with a silver cigarette case and matching silver cigarette holder. The case and holder both had an inlay of ivory. Amy struck a match and lit then mounted the cigarette in the holder. As she handed me the cigarette holder, I noticed Vincent eyeing it. 

"It's what? Eight Inches long? That's an odd length. Too short to be theater length. Too long to be dinner length."

I chuckled, "This is the only eight inches I will put in my mouth."

Amy flinched and stared at me. 

“Sorry, the teasing from the family rubbed off on me I guess.”

Vincent burst out laughing, "And they thought you would consider letting me court you."

"Lady Ren used to be quite the heartbreaker."

"Duty to the family. Bear children. Unlimited rice pudding. Etcetera etcetera." I muttered.

"Rice pudding?"

"It's a joke. Never mind. I'm not funny."

"You have other talents," Amy winked at me. 

"Okay, Amy,” I said. “You're checking the center left bookcase, and the safe under the table. Vincent knows where each one is. "

Vincent tapped his temple with his index finger. "Of course, I can go in alone. I know where they are. That way only I'm at risk."

Amy shook her head, "I can go. I'm not afraid to help Lady Ren."

I shook my head, "Nevermind. Vincent is right. He does know. There's no benefit in two people being in there."

I paused. Amy's face scrunched up.

"Amy, stay out here with me. We can distract anyone if they come in."

Amy hopped a little, and smiled, "I can stay with you Lady Ren. We can tell anyone who comes in that Vincent is in the water closet."

"That's a good thought," I nodded.

"Of course, I'll use my clairvoyance to confirm that the room is empty," Vincent said, sitting down on an ottoman.

Once he was sure it was clear, he slipped inside. I turned to Amy, "Amy, may we talk?"

"Yes, lady Ren. I’m sorry. You may ask whatever you like."

"Are you sure?"

"I am."

"Because I would like to talk about your feelings about Fiona courting me," I said.

"Oh," Amy said, "That."

“You’re not okay. Are you?” I asked.

Amy shook her head, “I’m sorry. I’m fine. We knew this might occur. I gave you permission. I’m fine being your mistress.”

I met her gaze and we stared into each other’s eyes for a long time. She smiled at me. I searched her eyes, but I couldn’t see joy there. Her eyes, at least in my mind, looked worried. Was I doing her wrong? How else could this play out? We wanted each other, Amy and me. And how else could we manage to be together in this world?

I reached out and intertwined my fingers with hers, “Are you sure you’re okay? I need to know. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Amy smiled, “I know. And we knew this would be necessary. A maid and a lady. A commoner and a noble. This is how a relationship like ours exists in Ys. This is the price we pay to love each other.”

I nodded, “Okay. But I want you to know that I am serious about our relationship. I know my history doesn’t suggest that I treat relationships with respect. But they were different.”

“They were men?” She asked.

“That definitely made it easier to walk away,” I said. “But I also like you. Simple as that.”

I paused, and considered my options. Amy watched me, “Dear? What are you thinking?”

I shook my head and said, “Here, I made you something. It’s silly, but I wanted to spend some time and effort on something for you.”

Amy cocked her head and blinked. I produced the handkerchief, now embroidered. An ivy vine stretched along the diagonal across the handkerchief. 

Amy’s eyes widened. “You made this for me?”

“Well, not the handkerchief, but I embroidered the design.”

“It’s beautiful,” She whispered, “I can’t recall you ever making anything for the men you’ve seen over the years.”

“I wanted you to know that you mattered to me. I wanted you to know that you mattered to me for more than your pretty face and delightful behind.”

Amy blushed, “Well you’ve made me very happy.

“Then I win.” And I kissed her. She leaned in and nibbled my lip.

“Then we both win. I said there was a price to pay. This is why I pay that price.”


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