Chapter 38: Indictment
I looked at Boulanger Bakery. The little storefront sat nestled in a larger brick building. Pine siding and plate glass windows snuggled against rust and umber brickwork. The Sign above the Window read: Boulanger: Baker and Corn Dealer. I could smell garlic and yeast and orange blossom. I knocked on the door. I could see an older man and woman working through the window. They looked up. When they saw me, they turned and spoke to each other. The man shrugged and then the woman pointed at the door. The man nodded and walked over to the door, holding a large iron key. A moment later the door opened.
The man looked me up and down, “Lady. Is it safe to assume that you are Lady Ren Octavian?”
I nodded, “Amy told you what I look like?”
“No,” he answered. “But how many other high-born women in expensive clothes are going to be calling on this humble bakery of ours?”
“Good point,” I said.
“I’m not sure that she’ll want to see you. But my wife thinks it’s a good idea. So go see what you can do. But have a care, you’ve hurt my little girl a great deal. She quit you know. As soon as word got out. She quit to protect you.”
“I know,” I said.
I found Amy’s room on the second floor, a tiny little room with a white painted door at the end of a baby blue painted hallway. I passed a sepia toned family portrait. The photograph depicted Amy’s parents and Amy herself at the age of nine or thereabouts. I looked at that little girl. She would one day grow into somebody I loved, somebody I had hurt and let down. I sighed and continued to the door of Amy’s room. I knocked. She didn’t answer.
“Amy, It’s Ren. Your dad let me in. They've thrown me out of Castle Octavian.”
I heard a sudden movement inside the room. A moment later the door opened on Amy.
She grabbed me in a hug “Oh no, Ren! What happened?”
“They told me to end our relationship. They've banned me from the house until I do.”
Her eyes narrowed, “And you told me that if this happened, you would abdicate. Did you?”
I slumped, “No. I meant to, but I hesitated. And then it was too late.”
“Could you not give up the luxury?” I felt the hurt and anger in Amy’s voice.
“I don’t care about luxury,” I said, “I worried that I couldn’t protect Lynn if I lost my place in the house.”
“No.” Amy was whispering into my chest, “I can’t do this. You have to put me ahead of Lynn. You have to. I know I’m only your mistress. And I know you’ll marry Fiona, and I’m I’m I’m I’m fine with that. But I need to know that you love me. I need you to put me ahead of everybody who isn’t Fiona.”
“But that isn’t fair to you either,” I whispered, “I can’t put Fiona ahead of you either. Not if I love you.”
“But you love Fiona as well.”
“I do.” I whispered.
“So, what do we do?” Amy asked.
“It’s not about what we have to do. It’s what I have to do. You’ve done everything up until now. And you’re right. I’ve put Lynn ahead of everything. And that isn’t fair to you, or Fiona.”
Amy bunched her hands up into my skirt. I could feel her knuckles grinding against my hip bones.
“Not only me,” She said, “Not only Fiona. This isn’t fair to you. You’ve tried so hard to protect Lynn from herself. And you haven’t protected you from yourself. You’re as bad as she is. You’re both a pair of martyrs. But Lynn is only hurting herself. You’re hurting everyone around you.”
I pushed her back until she was at arm’s length, I opened my mouth to speak.
She looked at me. Her makeup was streaking from the tears running down her cheeks.
“I’m terrible.” I said, looking down, “I can’t give up on you. But I’ve failed you. I’ve failed you.”
Amy nodded, “I can’t give up on you either. But it hurts. It hurts when I’m not part of your life. It hurts when I’m in the shadows. I said I would be fine with it. And I lied. Or I was wrong, and I didn’t know how it would actually feel. But I’m not fine being your dirty little secret. You know. I’m even okay sharing you with Fiona. But I’m not okay being the other woman.”
“We’re all women.”
“Not the point.”
“I know. It slipped out.”
“Did you hear what I said?”
“I did.”
“And?”
“And I agree.”
Amy stared at me, “And now what?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then don’t come back. Not until you do know. It hurts too much.”
I wandered the streets for a while. I didn’t know where I was going. You couldn’t actually walk the streets in the game, instead you selected key locations on a rough map. I noticed a horse drawn carriage roll by. As it turned a corner, I saw the catch phrase on the door: ‘Hire a Hansom cab!’ I could hire a cab then. I still had money. But where would I go? I didn’t have a lot of options. I was a sheltered little princess.
I hailed a cab, “Myrddhin House please.”
We arrived at Myrddhin House, and I knocked on the door. The butler answered, and then went to check with Fiona. After several minutes, He returned and led me to the smoking room.
She hugged me, and after pleasantries, we sat down.
“Why did you meet me in the smoking room?” I asked.
“So, you could smoke,” Fiona answered.
“I don’t have access to the herbs I need right now.”
“Did you know that I have sent a team of my people to reinvestigate the catacombs? The Hyperboreans are guarding the route we took to reach their base now. My people got in through the Wyrdbrunnr, but had to retreat lest they be seen.”
“So I screwed that up too,” I answered. “Wonderful. I’m a complete failure.”
“Why do you say that?”
“My family has kicked me out until I end my relationship with Amy,” I said.
Fiona nodded,“My agents have told me as much. I assume you have refused to end the relationship?”
“Yes. But Amy doesn’t want to see me until I do something decisive. I promised her that if it came to this, I would abdicate. But when it did happen, I balked. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to help Lynn if I abdicated. And Amy said she wasn’t willing to be third place to you and Lynn. She was willing to be second place to you, but not Lynn. Fiona, why is Lynn the problem?”
“I suspect that it is because Lynn is not your lover. Amy does not want to come behind a platonic friend.”
“Yeah,” I muttered. “That makes sense. I haven’t been fair to either of you, have I?” I asked.
“I have no complaints with your behavior. But we both have different views on relationships compared to our peers. What I do know is that you are in pain. Your aura is contorting, it hurts to look at you in this much pain. I have grown to respect and to like you. I have grown to love you.”
I knew now how much that statement meant from Fiona. And it ripped a hole in my heart. I had treated them both like this and she was still standing by me.
I wanted to explain things to Fiona. But I couldn’t tell her the truth. She’d never believe me. I was from another world, and Lynn was the only family that I had from that world. I couldn’t tell her what Lynn meant to me, because it wasn’t true here. It was only true on earth.
And Earth was gone.
My life on earth had been rough. I didn’t miss much of it. But Lynn and I had clung to each other. We’d survived. And we were building a real life when that bolt of lightning stole everything.
Everything but Lynn.
Lynn was my old life. But I had a new life here, a life I wanted. Amy. Fiona. I wanted that new life. And I had to choose between my new life and my old life. Lynn versus everyone else. And I didn’t know what I was going to do.
Fiona waited for thirty seconds or so. And when I said nothing, she continued speaking, “Ren. I am grateful for our relationship. My advisors have told me that I should end my courtship of you. They are worried about the optics and the scandal. Cyrus disagrees. He understands that I love you. But he has no suggestions regarding what I should do instead. And so I am left with few options.”
I hung my head.
“I do not care about optics. But I must maintain my alliances, for the good of House Myrddhin. And they too have been pressuring me to end my courtship.”
“So what do you plan to do?”
“I must be a Countess first and a woman second. I am suspending our courtship. I will hold out hope that there is a way through this. But I cannot be seen to help you until you have a plan.”
“You’re ending the relationship?”
“I am putting the relationship on hold. I will wait for you.”
Fiona paused and then walked to a cabinet. She picked up a small box and carried it over to me.
“What is this?” I asked.
“I promised you this. And now you need it more than you previously would have needed it.”
“Should you be giving my gifts, if this is the end?”
“This is only the end if you choose to end things. I will wait for you. Open the box.”
I opened the box, inside was a silver cylindrical clasp like the one Fiona wore. I gasped.
“You’re giving this to me now? There’s no way I deserve this now.” I said.
“Then I recommend you seek to be worthy of the gift. In your own eyes, because you are already worthy in my eyes.”
That was worse than ending the relationship.
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