The Husband Poisoning Society, Chapter One

Chapter One: Drinking Contests

"I don't know whether to congratulate the bride or slip her a straight razor. "

“Hush Ren,” Lynn put a hand on my shoulder. “This could have been me.”

“I know. I nearly died stopping that, remember?”

“But now Monique is on the chopping block, and we have to have her back.”

“I’ve got her back. I promise,” I said.

I stared at the interior of the stave church rather than watch the ceremony. The smell of incense hung in the air. And cloth banners to the Twice Dead Gods hung from the ceiling. The floor was hard packed dirt rather than wood or stone. I stared in dismay at my floor length forest green evening gown. Timber surrounded us on all sides. Ore-pine posts rose up around us. Hyperborean construction, we were on enemy soil. 

I didn’t know the bride prior to our diplomatic mission to Hyperborea. But I didn’t like the idea of marrying an Yssian woman to a Hyperborean man. Hyperboreans had archaic ideas about a woman’s place in society. Ys had tried to use political marriages to stave off Hyperborean aggression before. That had been disastrous. But the Council of Lords remained terrified of the Hyperborean Empire and its navy. They lacked another way of cozying up to a more powerful neighbor. So they had elected to push forward with political marriages. 

I disagreed with the whole thing. But I wasn’t on the Council of Lords. I wasn’t even titled nobility. I was an untitled lady engaged to a countess. So nobody was listening to me besides Leon, and he remained a single voice on the council. 

I looked past Lynn to her fiance Leon, who stood on Lynn’s left. He was lean and stood six foot five and towered even over the Hyperboreans. He was dressed in his naval dress uniform, as he always did at official functions. I swear the man didn’t know what civilian dress looked like. 

“Your Grace,” I whispered. “Your fears were unfounded.”

Leon shook his head, “We aren’t out of the woods yet. Multiple factions oppose the marriage. I won’t feel safe until the rings are exchanged and the marriage is official.”

The priest of the Twice Dead Gods droned on in Old Hyperborean. I didn’t speak Old Hyperborean. Most Yssians didn’t. A lot of Hyperboreans didn’t. Leon kept Lynn and myself up to speed as best he could.

“He’s blessing the groom’s family.”

“Now he’s blessing the groom.”

“Now the bride’s representative is presenting to give Monique away.”

“The groom accepts stewardship of the bride.”

“Stewardship?” I hissed the word out. 

“The word doesn’t translate well into Yssian.” Leon whispered. “It’s not quite partnership, and not quite ownership. But she definitely sits on a lower rung in the hierarchy.”

“Why would any Yssian woman agree to this?” I asked.

“Duty. To protect Ys.” Lynn said. 

“But she’ll have virtually no rights.” I objected.

“Monique isn’t doing it for her rights. She’s doing it for Ys.”

“Like you did,” I said. “I’m glad that ended with you being widowed.”

“I wasn’t widowed,” Lynn said. “The marriage was annulled.”

“Your former husband is still dead.” I said.

 = = =

After the ceremony ended, we shuffled through the snow. They led us from the stave church to a massive wooden longhouse. This gown was going to be a total loss by the end of the wedding, I realized. The smell of pine resin and wood smoke hung like a banner across the longhouse. An open fire lay long across the center of the house. Lanterns lit the room, leaving pockets of darkness in the corners. Lilting rhyming chatter echoed off wood panel walls. The air prickled cold against my exposed skin, and I shivered. We seated ourselves at the long tables for the reception. This amounted to a massive feast. The groom’s family gave numerous speeches. The speeches were in Old Hyperborean, all of which were followed by toasts. Drinking was practically a competitive sport in Hyperborea. And the lady seated next to me took this seriously.

“This toast is to the ancestors of the groom’s father.” She proclaimed. She raised her horn full of mead and knocked it against mine. Then she grinned and downed the contents. 

I didn’t think much of fathers. I’d had two. One here and one back on Earth. I hadn’t liked either one. In fact, I’d killed both. 

Still, I downed my drink. And before long I had learned much about my companion. Her name was Ada Gertrudsdottir. She was an untitled noble like myself. She was married to Lord Sven Haroldson. Her husband was busy dancing some sort of ceremonial dance with the other men. He was the battle brother of the groom, which explained their presence at the wedding. Lady Ada could hold her alcohol much better than most Yssian women. But she was having trouble keeping up with me. 

“Perhaps we should slow down?” I said, as Lady Ada began to sway.

“You are barely drunk.” She protested. “You are being too nice to me.”

“It’s up to you.” I said.

“Then we drink.” She reached for the bottle of mead, and found it empty. 

She glared at the bottle like it owed her money. “I will get more.”

She stood and stalked off through the crowd. 

I glanced around for Lynn and Leon. They had been seated at the head table, in deference to their collective rank. But I couldn’t see Lynn next to Leon when I looked.

And then I heard Ada scream.

I pushed to my feet and elbowed my way past gawking ladies. I’m a full six feet and loom over most other women. When I reached Ada, she was staring at a motionless body on the floor. For a moment, I thought the body was somebody passed out drunk. Then I saw the blood drooling from the man’s mouth. 

And then I recognised him. The body was the groom: Duke Siggis Leifson.

Leon pushed through the crowd to stand beside me. He stared, “We have a murder.”

I stared at the body for a moment. And then I nodded.

“I did tell you.” Leon said. “It’s time to go to work.”

I sucked on my teeth a moment as I collected my thoughts. "First, do we know anyone who didn't have reason to want the victim dead?"